A large number of adolescents today feel that parents have abdicated their duties to exercise authority and take responsibility for the direction of their children’s lives. Some parents refuse to do so and others cannot exercise their rights. As a result, there is a growing rebellion against parents. In some countries, the courts blur parental authority. Parents are punished for disciplining their children. The ‘Rights of the Child’ are paramount and parents must comply or be punished by the Courts.
The philosophy of humanism states that it is okay for children to break free from restrictions and rebel against parents.
But the authority conferred on parents comes from God with the dictate “Train up your son in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)
Children are our heritage and whether we are married, separated or divorced, we still have the responsibility for their own upbringing. However, as Socrates said, “There is only one profession that is neither educated nor trained: parenting.” Parenting is our privilege and responsibility and we learn from our own experience and the wisdom of those who have gone before us.
Parental authority implies: –
• Leadership to allow the child to become a balanced, affectionate, warm person with a positive attitude towards life. What is taught in childhood is internalized and contributes to the character and personality of it. Must be able to differentiate between good and evil.
• Nurture with love. A child who is confident and secure in her parents’ love is more likely to accept rules and restrictions. Parents should spend quality time with their children, express love for them, compliment them on their positive points, and lavish praise on their good behavior.
• Discipline will be effective after proper instructions and example to follow. Children are given rules to live by for their own good. Until the age of 7-8 years, it is easy to impose discipline. But as they get older, they show resistance and begin to challenge authority with ‘why’ and ‘what for’ questions. They come up with ready excuses for not doing what they are supposed to do. This should not be considered disrespectful to parents. It is a part of growing up. Their questions should be answered sensibly without getting angry. However, children should not be allowed to bully their parents or subject them to emotional blackmail.
• Communication with the child must be meaningful and effective. Parents should be neither too strict nor too lenient. Overprotection will stifle spontaneity. The child will expect her parents to solve her problems. It is important to listen and respond to her needs.
Every child needs the security of authority and must learn to respect it. Husband and wife must agree on how they exercise authority. They cannot disagree with each other. Obedience to both father and mother and unified authority from her should be expected of each child.
Parenting patterns differ based on background, education, social status, and culture. Four large groups can be identified.
1. Dictatorship when the word of the parents is law. The rules must be followed without discussion. There is no room for reasoning. The punishment follows even a misdemeanor.
2. Authoritative: Children are expected to follow the rules, but the child’s point of view is considered. Parents are persuasive and explain the reasons why the rules must be followed. They also point out the consequences of non-compliance. Baumrind says that authoritarian parents “monitor and set clear standards for their children’s behavior. They are assertive but not intrusive or restrictive. Their methods are supportive. They want their children to be socially responsible and self-regulating as well as cooperative.”
3. Permissive parents are extremely forgiving and never discipline their children. They demand little of them and do not have high expectations. They treat their children as friends.
4. Indifferent parents are generally detached and do not pay attention to even the basic needs of their children. They are not meaningfully communicated or disciplined. They may be physically present but emotionally absent.
The most successful parents are those who exercise authority with love and understanding. The child must know that there are rules to follow both at home and in society. Obedience to parents, respect for others, fear of God, and the importance of living a godly life should be taught. Such a child will grow into a happy, loving and well-adjusted individual, capable of resisting what is wrong and maintaining himself in society. He will always be aware of the dangers of breaking the rules.
A dictatorial father can have submissive children. But they can harbor resentment and become bitter and cynical. They may lack social skills, be indecisive and shy, or may become autocratic bullies in adult life.
Parents should not equate permissiveness with love. Pampering a child will not build character. He will lack initiative and will blame others for his failures.
Indifferent parents will have equally indifferent children. They will be selfish, indifferent, and lacking in social graces, self-control, and competence.
Parental authority is granted by God and must be shared equally by both parents. Children need proper guidance and a set of moral values to live, in a world that is becoming more anarchic and consumer-oriented. “Children need some authority structure,” said Dr. Spock. They need a framework of ‘do’s’ and ‘don’ts’. A family is by no means a democracy and parents and children are not equal. The most successful parents are those who exercise authority with love and understanding.
