What is it about menopause that makes us run in the opposite direction trying to grab our youth?
You would have thought my house was under attack when I first started experiencing it many years ago. Fearful of the symptoms it brought with it, I repeatedly battled it, leaving me in a constant state of anxiety, feeling tired and emotionally unbalanced. Why do we resist an inevitable part of life, a transition to another phase? How many other women were experiencing the same difficulties as me?
Something I had feared had come, whether I was ready for it or not, I was afraid of losing my looks, my shapely figure, worried that my husband would change me for a younger model, as it seemed to be in fashion now. The greatest fear of all was the inability to have a child, not being able to bring another human being into this world. The cessation of periods meant the end of my childbearing years, a difficult one to accept. I was aware that as part of the process, life itself had made that decision for me. The reality was this, he could cry about it all day for the next twenty years or he could learn to accept it.
Once I realized this was going nowhere, I stopped fighting what was a natural part of my life and started following the process of change.
The most important question I asked was what can I do to help myself? I started researching and talking to other women who were in the same position, most if not all of them were on HRT. As a life coach, I was interested to know if any of them had also made lifestyle changes, as the answer turned out to be no.
Determined not to want to go down the HRT path, I decided to practice what I preached and took a good look at my own life.
Hot sweats and mood swings were a daily occurrence. Once when I was out to dinner with my husband while he was eating roast beef, my face got redder and redder. In the middle of the restaurant I found myself taking off the sweater I was wearing to reveal a rather skimpy sheer vest underneath, much to the amusement of the other diners. My husband just ignored it and kept eating to save me from further redness on my face. This was a breakthrough, after that I would always go out armed with a variety of clothes stashed in my bag so when I was blushing I could move on to the ladies and change into something cooler.
We used to sit at opposite ends of the living room to have our evening conversations; I was on the verge of hot flashes at the time, so while my husband sat curled up on the radiator to warm up, I sat by an open window breathing a sigh of relief. We were in the depths of a Yorkshire winter and icy air rushed into the room creating a sort of North Pole effect. Bedtime sparked even more hilarity as I covered myself in and out of the covers all night kicking my legs in and out depending on how severe the heat felt. He, on the other side of the bed, was bundled up in apple pie, terrified that he might pull the covers off her. I tirelessly went through my linen closet donating all my old flannel sheets to charity and replacing them with fresh, crisp cotton ones, bless her!
I was beginning to look for other positive ways to improve my quality of life. It took me some time, but I finally realized that by labeling what I saw as the dreaded menopause, I was turning it into that. So I changed my attitude towards him, stopped calling him feared and accepted him as part of life, instead of rejecting him.
What a step forward this was, yes, I still had hot flashes, but because of my change in attitude, I suddenly didn’t care anymore. Instead of seeing them as the enemy, I allowed the sensations to just happen. If this scares you, believe me, there is nothing to fear, I had taken a yes approach to menopause that I found worked. Once this happened, I wanted to make more improvements. Being a life coach helped me reevaluate where I was in my own life. I began to focus my energies on what other positive steps I could take and made some lifestyle changes that were of great benefit.
I loved being outside in nature, so I would go for walks regularly, sometimes I would take the car to some beautiful place and just sit outside. I brought a picnic so I could spend the afternoon there. I had a favorite book to read and really gave myself the time I needed. Having worked with women for a number of years, I knew from experience that we can be guilty of not allowing ourselves the time and space to cultivate our own needs, while desperate to care for children, partners, and pets.
It’s important to do the things you enjoy, whether it’s gardening, walking, dancing, whatever feels good to you. It is a time to listen to the wisdom of your own body, that is, let your body speak to you; It will let you know by the way you feel, and if you listen, it will pay dividends.
Never be afraid to try something new, menopause has been an exciting time of change for me. I wrote a novel, started Pilate and tai chi, started growing my own vegetables, and rescued chickens, all of which have given me great satisfaction and pleasure. I found a new interest in food and what it was doing to my body. I spend time in the supermarket reading the labels because I want to know what I’m eating and, as far as my budget allows, I buy organic vegetables, especially in the winter when I can’t grow my own. I want to minimize any chemicals in my body.
I got a local cashier scheme that introduced me to vegetables in season instead of eating out of season, this inspired me to get creative in the kitchen. Roasted butternut squash with herbs and garlic sprinkled with sunflower seeds is a firm favorite. I have experimented with legumes, introducing new ones into my diet little by little. Far from being boring, they were up to the plate, which I proudly sample on my husband, who often raises an eyebrow, muttering under his breath about where his steak and kidney pie is.
I was adjusting to my new life, finding confidence in my abilities. I was realizing that I could make it harder for myself or I could see it for what it was, the start of something new in the book of life. There are many things out there to help with some of the discomforts of menopause, homeopathy being just one of them, I found it to be of great help. Make sure it feels right to you and choose a professional you feel comfortable with.
One of the best ways to help yourself is to try to have a positive mental attitude, it’s not always easy, I know. Try to focus on all the good things in life, be grateful for what you already have, it’s the little things that make the difference. Don’t lose sight of the fact that you can still live life to the fullest. Take the opportunity to turn it into something good. Talk to friends who can empathize with you, talk to your partner. If you feel uptight about things, be honest; don’t be afraid to express yourself, you might be surprised at what happens.
A word about meditation or relaxation, don’t underestimate its power. This can be a wonderful way to help yourself if you are willing to try. I have been meditating for many years and would not be without it, the health benefits are huge and very positive. For me it is as much a part of my daily life as putting on lipstick before going to work. If you hate the idea of sitting at home to do this, there are some great groups out there and they will give you the support you need to get started.
Last but not least, be kind to yourself, we don’t always get it right and we don’t have to be perfect, but we can learn to live with menopause and make it a positive transition, instead of seeing it as the end of our lives. lives. Invest in the help of a coach who can support you in making the changes you want to make. As someone very close to me always, she says. It is a work in progress.
