Oh betrayal, bittersweet betrayal
So skilled yet so powerful.
If only I was told that you would show up early on a Tuesday morning with so much power that you would literally “sweep” me and hit me so hard that I would painfully try to stop my heartbeat while my body was pounding. floor; I would have prepared you.
If only they told me that there is still no greater enemy, nor dark force more powerful than you; I would have prepared you.
If only they told me that you would be the highlight of my year and my bittersweet companion for this month of May; He would have mentally prepared me for your arrival.
If only they told me that there is no more powerful bullet to destroy my heart in a matter of seconds and break it into a billion pieces; I would have prepared you.
If only they told me that you can “destroy” the most powerful magic in the world, Love, and transmute it into an ocean of tears accompanied by unimaginable and unbearable pain without effort; I would have prepared you.
If only they told me that the one I love would use you to pierce my heart, with a smile on his face, while he danced with me in the land of false promises and disguised false hope; he would have prepared you.
I didn’t see you coming and that’s what hurts me the most.
You did not arrive alone at the dance of life, you brought with you: disappointment, much sadness, tears, worry, shame, guilt, mental paralysis, envy, hatred, despair; and you demand that I dance with everyone at the same time.
Reason has left me.
Lack of strength
Anger at myself has kept me up at night.
I hardly open my eyes afterwards I manage to sleep with powerful pills that seem to have little effect on me; You send a thousand images to my mind of what was, of what is, as well as joyful images of the happiness of traitors in the midst of my sorrows.
Doubt appeared with enthusiasm at his call.
A million unanswered questions have attacked my mind that haven’t stayed since you came.
Self-confidence slipped away at the sight of you.
How naive I have been not to see you coming.
How the warrior in me has fallen in the midst of battle because she never thought that One of her own would lead you to her without mercy and consideration for her love for him.
How the queen in me fell from her throne and lost her mind while you invaded her realm without permission.
I didn’t see you coming because of the innocent trust and faith I had for my beloved.
If Peter betrayed Jesus and turned his back on him when he needed it most; Who am I to run away from you if there was no closer companion?
If my enemies joyfully celebrate their victory while I am crucified; Who am I to stop them from enjoying their prepared hit?
Who am I not to feel the pain of the crucifixion with sadness and pain as my daily companions?
I cheer up and hope that I can quickly lick my wounds and succumb to the pain so that your “death” can take the pain away. Some things must run their course no matter what, so I’ll let you win for now…
When I get up again, and I will; I hope and pray that you’re a billion miles away because I might forgive you, but you’ll be smashed into a billion pieces and become a forgotten memory.
I hope we never meet again in this life. Many times I have been “killed” but my mini deaths only made me more powerful, wiser and increased my light as well as my testimony of God’s love for me.
Enjoy your temporary stay.
In the meantime;
I will cry a million rivers
I will allow myself to heal and let nature take its course.
The only comforting thing about your presence in one’s life is that Time always beats you.
Queen Mary Faye
