Has it ever happened to you? Have you ever had the experience of liking a woman, being a perfect gentleman, and treating her like a queen, only to have her reject you in favor of someone else (possibly very handsome) who doesn’t treat her well or doesn’t treat her right? Does it seem like she doesn’t care much for her? These types of men have been called “bad boys”, “lovely boys” or “players”. When you’re interested in women, do they tend to see you as a friend or “brother” rather than a romantic interest? Do women tell you that you are “too nice”? If so, you are not alone. This article will give you, the nice guy, some tips on how to use charming guy traits to your advantage, while maintaining your nice guy values.
Let’s brainstorm for a minute. What makes charming guys or gamers attractive? They are fun, spontaneous, unpredictable, mysterious, and act like they don’t care what others think of them (aka confidence). They follow their own rules and don’t let others (including their dates) walk all over them. And they often look good.
So what can you do? You don’t have to engage in risky behavior to be successful with women. Suggest some “safe” ideas on the spur of the moment; for example, “Let’s go get sushi/ice cream/a margarita” or “Let’s go for a drive and see where we end up.” If this is not the usual “you”, you can enjoy your new spontaneity. You can be mysterious/unpredictable without violating your principles. Don’t call her the day after you get her phone number or the day after an appointment. Give her time to wonder if you will call her; keep her guessing. People often want what isn’t easy to get, and women like little challenges.
You are the man. Many women look for men who are confident and determined, who can be trusted to get things done. On a date, take charge but don’t be pushy. Always have a Plan A and a Plan B, so you don’t miss the concert in case the restaurant loses your reservation and there is a 1-1/2 hour wait. But always be flexible, in case your date hates Chinese food, for example, or just told you that his favorite band is in town, only tonight.
Inexpensive dates for getting to know each other include the zoo, a museum, or miniature golf. In addition to saving you money, these low-cost dates also minimize the feeling that you have to “pamper” her or “buy” her affections with an extravagant dinner party. And if he likes you, he won’t mind a “cheap” date; she just wants to be with you
Keep it light and upbeat. Don’t be needy or act nervous. You might be a little anxious on a date, but she doesn’t need to know that. Keep things light and fun, and pay attention to it. That in itself will help you take the spotlight off and help you feel more confident. And be a gentleman (you’re already good at this). For example, always offer to pay the bill unless she insists on paying, open the doors for her, etc. But do not overdo it with gifts, so as not to appear desperate.
Let her talk. This is where the nice guys have an advantage. Most women like to communicate verbally and appreciate the opportunity to be heard. (But be sure to listen; don’t let her mind wander.) She’ll be impressed if you remember details about things that are important to her, like the name of her pet or her favorite book. If you put her online, check her profile for questions you can ask her about her interests.
Neatness counts. Take another hint from the lovely boys. You don’t have to look like Brad Pitt, but make the most of what you have. Review your grooming, clothing, and accessories with an objective eye. If you want feedback, ask a friend, possibly a female friend, for an honest opinion. Or tune in to one of the new TV shows that focus on wardrobe/grooming tips for men.
Have a life (and a backbone). Just because you’re dating a woman doesn’t mean you give up everything else (including your own friends, hobbies, and interests). After all, relationships can come and go. Keep being yourself. You are not always at their beck and call. When you really don’t want to do something (for example, if she wants you to cancel your ball game or go out with your friends to go shoe shopping with her), it’s okay to say no. Telling her no may be hard on nice guys, but if she’s worth keeping, she’ll respect you for it and value her time with you more. To soften the blow, you could offer an alternative meeting. For example, “Sorry, I can’t go on Saturday. How about I take you to that new play you wanted to see on Sunday?”
How does she rate? Remember: you have the right to evaluate it, not the other way around. Do you deserve a second date? Is it relationship material (if that’s what you’re looking for)? Just because she’s hot/smart/classy doesn’t necessarily mean she’s right for you. Does she treat you well? Is she nice? Does she have decent self esteem? is she giving? If you’re looking for a long-term relationship, can you still see yourself with her 20 years from now, when some of the supermodel looks have started to fade?
The good news for nice guys is that as women get older, perhaps after they’ve survived a bad boy heartbreak or two, they’re more likely to appreciate nice guys. Make a list of your good points, the qualities you have to offer. follow it. And start to believe that you are a match (or at least act like one)!
