The answer to that question is no, no, no. It doesn’t make the pain go away, but it does have its benefits when grieving a loss.
There are many theories about crying, such as “tears cleanse the soul” or “crying lasts one night, but joy comes in the morning” or “don’t cry over spilled milk”. Many were told as children that crying is a sign of weakness. So when you experience a loss, do you cry or try not to cry?
A client going through a divorce recently sent me a thank you note for supporting her through a crying episode. Her note included the following statement: “Thank you for saying it’s okay to CRY! Even though everything hurt afterward (head, face, and eyes), those were cleansing tears and I’m better than fine today.”
When you have lost someone or something dear to your heart, when your dreams have turned into nightmares, when you have lost all hope of your tomorrow, crying is a normal and natural response. What makes the difference is how you react to this physical emotion. Do you try to hurry up and get over it, or do you accept it as part of the healing experience?
I encourage having a crying party when grieving a loss, but with limitations. Give yourself a certain time so as not to overload the body and cause problems related to emotional and physical health. Why not consider it an activity?
Oftentimes, outbursts of complaints are unexpected and come out of the blue for no apparent reason. In this case, you may not be able to plan the crying party. Still hug him. Repressing the emotions of loss can aggravate the loss and delay the grieving process. If you can take your crying party to a place where you are alone, do so. Maybe bring a souvenir or music, set a time limit for the party, and give yourself permission to cry.
Know that since this is natural and normal, and no one can tell you how to grieve, your crying spells may come and go throughout your life. Yes, even many decades after a loss or disappointment, you may still have crying spells. So let’s conclude that crying won’t make the pain go away, but it will help you deal with the pain, if you choose to see it that way.
The next time you remember a loved one who is no longer with you or a situation that broke your heart, and you feel the need to cry, let the tears flow; she thinks of a beautiful memory; and end your crying party with a smile. I bet you’ll feel better.
