Do you feel angry, need to control stress, as if someone owes you a happy life? If you’ve been stuck in a grudge against someone, are you tired of living life that way? Here are some words of encouragement that can help you let go of the grudge that is keeping you stuck. By following a simple process, you can renew your life once again. First it all starts with identifying…
Step one:
How do you really feel about the person with whom you feel the need to hold a grudge? Once you identify the details that you really feel, write them down on a piece of paper.
For example, suppose you and your sister are involved in a grudge match with each other. Your mother is ninety years old. Tammy (your fifty year old sister) keeps lying to her and getting money from her.
In this scenario, you would write your feelings about the state of affairs on a piece of paper. Remember, you can only change the way you react to the situation rather than change the behavior of others in the environment. You could write something like, “I resent Tammy because she keeps taking advantage of Mom’s giving nature. I’m also angry that Tammy brushes aside my objections about manipulating her and using Mom for her selfish purposes.”
Second step:
Now that you have expressed on paper specifically what feelings you are feeling, are you willing to think differently than feel differently? If so, you’re getting better. How do you get self esteem? Thinking differently about you and your abilities. That can quickly lead to feeling in control again. Would you like to feel calm and in control?
Seeing the situation differently can make you feel better. To feel better, change your current thoughts to different ones.
Again, as in the first step, write down the new thoughts on paper. You can add humor as appropriate, or any other positive mindset. Adding forgiveness for the other person can also be very beneficial. This is for your benefit, not for the other person(s).
If you need some different thought ideas to think about in this scenario, use any of the following:
Possible new thoughts:
“Holding a grudge only hurts me. What can I think right now to see the situation differently and feel at peace?”
“What could I think or do that would help Mom manage her finances better? Hey, I could just ask Mom to let me manage her finances. I wonder if that’s an option?”
“Who could help me see things from a different point of view? After all, I accept that I could meet other people who have more experience than me in this. What trusted expert could I consult to help resolve this situation?”
Step three:
Relax your mind. See yourself as if you have already peacefully resolved the situation in a way that feels peaceful. Look at the details of doing that and incorporate them into a simple plan that will really apply to the situation. By concentrating on what you can do to improve the environment, you’ve put the grudge aside.
