Before all this technology existed, none of us would have known what a “Facebook war” or a “texting war” was. But when you find out that your husband has been having an affair and you unleash your anger on the other woman or lover, sometimes you wish you had never opened that can of worms or were still innocent in these kinds of “wars.”
Many people try to reach out to the other woman in the hope that she will apologize or walk away gracefully. This is rarely the case. Today, it is not considered socially unacceptable to be a mistress. Look at all the celebrities who got their husbands by cheating on them. These couples are almost celebrated. So some “other women” are not embarrassed at all. In fact, if you approach them with animosity or anger, they will respond immediately. And at that point, you may be wondering how, or if, to stop the madness.
A wife might say, “Honestly, I really wanted to talk to the other woman face-to-face. But everyone told me it was a bad idea, so I thought I’d text her. This way, I could give my opinion, but I thought that I could have control over this situation, especially if it was done through the written word. I thought I could just turn my phone off or ignore her if things got out of hand. And I really wanted her to stop trying to contact my husband and regret it. for what she did. Well it turns out I can’t turn it off as easily as I thought. She will say such nasty and horrible things to me. She will text me all day long. I have had to put my phone on vibrate repeatedly. A Sometimes she sends me a picture of them together. When she does this, I can’t help it. I text her back and then it all starts all over again. She’s started posting on Facebook and messaging me constantly. It’s like if she was determined that she could not have a moment of rest. ace. When I tell her that this has to stop, she tells me that I’m the one who started it. I find it’s almost like she feels justified in her horrible behavior and bullying because I’m the one who started it. Trust me, I wish I hadn’t started it. And I don’t want to get away from her. But this is affecting me a lot.”
I can imagine it would be. As if there wasn’t enough to process and deal with after an affair, now you have to deal with this harassment. Yes, it is unfortunate that you are the one who initiated the contact. But now I think you have to be the one to finish it. Someone has to be an adult here. And frankly, this back and forth does nothing for your healing or to help you move on. It does nothing but irritate you and keep you stuck. And as long as you keep it up, she may feel justified in continuing as well.
You don’t mention what’s going on with your marriage, but if you have any interest in saving it, continuing contact is the worst thing to do. If you’re trying to save your marriage, your goal is to get her out of your life and then move on. (This can be the goal even if you don’t care about your marriage, in fact.) Texting wars prevent you from being able to do just that.
I would honestly tell him that you are no longer engaged and then I would contact my carrier and ask him to block his phone number. Yes, this will take some discipline and you may feel that it prevents you from having the last word. But honestly, ending this is the last word. I also think it’s possible to block and not see people on Facebook. If he’s harassing you from a new number, block him too.
I think it’s wise to do whatever it takes to keep her out of your life. Sure, you started it, but she seems to feed off of it and she enjoys keeping it going. So don’t give him anything to work with anymore. Close the. Refuse to commit. As we all know, texting can be addictive if there is a back and forth. So don’t let her have that. Once she only commits to herself, everything will likely get old pretty quickly.
After this, turn your attention where it belongs: on yourself and your own healing. She has no place in your life. Don’t keep letting her in. It will only cause more aggravation and prolong the time it takes to move on.
