You are surprised by how unfamiliar you feel with your own body and your own sexuality; how you are convinced that if you only inhabited some other body, everything would be perfect.
Well, let me share a little secret with you: you are not alone.
The plain truth is that most women know more about their clothes than they do about their own bodies. Women know the style, the fabric, the designer and the fit. Women buy clothes they feel good in when they try them on or at least clothes they think will be appropriate for a particular event or situation. Look, I’m the last person to downplay the importance of clothes and designers, but don’t you think now is the time for you to become more knowledgeable and comfortable with your own body and sexuality?
To paraphrase an old saying, as your knowledge and the embrace of your body goes, so does your sexuality.
So, for now, let’s agree to leave the clothes in the closet. Let’s agree to focus on satisfaction and fulfillment. Your satisfaction and fulfillment.
On your terms.
With your body
It doesn’t matter if you’ve always felt uncomfortable talking about (whispers) sex and sexuality. It doesn’t matter if you’ve always blushed when you read the word “masturbation.” It doesn’t matter if you’ve never had the nerve to look for your G-spot or the courage to ask your partner to do something “special.”
You’ll.
So here’s my promise: We’re going to talk honestly about sex and your sexuality, about your body and your satisfaction, in a straightforward way that’s informative and fun. OKAY? Well.
So breathe. That’s right, breathe.
I want you to relax. I keep reminding you to relax because talking intimately about sex and your body and your enjoyment of sex can be uncomfortable, if not uncomfortable and intimidating. I know that. But it’s just us. You and me. We’re in this together.
Most women are somewhat uncomfortable with their sexuality due to their religious background, education, or their personal sexual and sensual experiences. They are often uncomfortable thinking of themselves in a sexual way because they are dissatisfied with their bodies.
Does it sound familiar to you?
Well, let me let you in on another secret: Almost all women are uncomfortable with their own bodies (yes, even those women in the magazines by the cash register). Whether it’s her skin, her nose, her eyes, her breasts, her stomach, her hips, her butt, her legs, or her stretch marks… you name it. Ask any woman in the world what’s wrong with her body and she’ll give you a long list of her “flaws.”
So, in addition to leaving your clothes in the closet, we’re asking for a moratorium on you thinking your body is flawed. Either way. As long as we’re together, you’re a goddess. Plain and simple.
Try to fancy on that thought for a moment. Nice, isn’t it?
My thought is that if all women feel like they have these flaws, then maybe they aren’t flaws at all. Having a poor body image of yourself is so universal as to be “normal,” which, I’m sure you’ll agree if you think about it a bit, is a bit weird. How can it be “normal” to think that there is something “wrong” with your body when “bad” supposedly means “not normal”? So the first thing we’re going to do is get rid of the unhelpful and probably downright harmful idea of ”normal.”
Over time, many of us have been made to feel that our bodies are unnatural, our sexuality is secret, and our desires and passions are shameful and need to be repressed. After all, a good girl wouldn’t want to do that!
Do you want to bet?
Our sexuality and sexual expression have no natural limits, nor should they as long as it doesn’t harm us or anyone else. Whether it’s masturbatory, same-sex, heterosexual, multiple partners, or a full spectrum of games, fantasies, positions, or practices, sex and sexuality are natural. Sex is who we are. Sex is what we do.
And the sex is good.
Everyone is sexual. Everyone has sexuality. However, due to what I call the ignorance or cruelty of our cultural dynamics, women have received the message that it is not “good” to be sexual; in fact, the message has often been that it might even be harmful. As if sex could really be bad for you! Sure, you should protect yourself from the disease. What I mean is that fully sexual activity is natural and should not be repressed. Unfortunately, the message has been powerfully effective. Women repress sexual desires and sexual experimentation for fear of what men will think of them if they are too sexual. After all, our “virtue” is the foundation on which all of Western civilization is built.
That is a great burden to carry, but while our “virtue” may be important to society and culture, there is no natural contradiction between virtue and sexuality. Some of the most wonderful, happy, kind people I know are very sexual and sexually fulfilled, some in monogamous heterosexual relationships, some in homosexual relationships, and some single, free, and “out there.” They are living sexual lives full of their own virtues and those of others while sharing their sexuality with their partner.
If you’ve ever wondered why it can be so difficult to just let go and allow yourself to embrace the depth of your own sexuality, it’s probably because you’re weighed down by the burden of carrying those thousands of years of Western civilization. So, drop the burden of carrying Western civilization on your poor tired shoulders for a few moments and get in touch with your sexuality. And don’t think for a second that you don’t have any sexuality to get in touch with. You have it all right, like everyone else. It’s just a matter of discovering it, exploring it, coming to terms (your terms) with it, and incorporating it into your life to maximize your happiness and well-being.
Does it seem like a threat to life as we know it? I shouldn’t Say the word out loud. Sex. What? Isn’t there lightning from above? Now say, “sexuality.” Still no lightning? Okay, now in a loud and proud voice, say “My sexuality!”
Don’t be embarrassed or modest, everyone has one. It’s time to explore it, feel it, touch it and get intimate with your own sexuality.
Sexuality is not something static. It is not something that can be put in a box and taken out on special occasions. It is an ongoing dynamic part of all of us. It is the “you” that embraces the journey of your life. It’s your passion (and, ironically, not just your sexual passion). It is an integral part of who you are as a whole and fulfilled human being. Sexuality evolves from within and blossoms as you feel more secure in who you are. Sexuality is a process. Sexuality is an expression of the inner personal strength of us as women and of knowing who we are and what we like.
And it always has been. That is, before a bunch of tired old men forced a patriarchal social structure on us because they freaked out that women had the potential for multiple orgasms; that we could bleed without dying; and that we had within us the means to produce all future generations. That’s right, that’s what we do. Impressed? bullied? It doesn’t matter, that’s what we can do.
It also seemed to scare them that we had passions for life, learning, and the world.
It scared them that we wanted to embrace the world. Well, that was too much for those old men. Or, as written in an Old Testament story that resulted in the massacre of an entire community, they realized that we might be attracted to “uncircumcised giants.”
Men’s tender and fragile egos and feelings aside, embracing our sexuality sounds pretty uplifting, empowering and amazing to me. It’s a shame that society seems to be concerned about the acceptance of a woman’s sexuality; of your acceptance of your own sexuality. After all, your sexuality doesn’t have to be a threat to anyone. Not society. Not your family. Neither your husband nor your partner. It’s a good thing. For you. For your partner or partners. It is not a hammer to hit someone; it is an essential part of who you are.
Are you.
Fear him not. Hug him.
And never, ever let anyone tell you it’s wrong. That has been going on for a long, long time to no avail.
Let’s get personal and start talking intimately about your own sexual satisfaction.
