When you’ve kissed all the frogs you wanted and found what you think is the right relationship for you, you’ll need to do something to make sure your relationship lasts. Just as you have to water and fertilize the flowers in your garden, relationships must be nurtured to thrive.
The good news is that it doesn’t have to be difficult. There are a number of little things you can do to keep your relationship on track.
1. Don’t take your honey for granted.
Let him know that you appreciate him (or her). When you’re dating, you usually realize all the things that person does for you. You take the time to show your appreciation either in word or deed.
Unfortunately, later in the relationship, we can take each other for granted. At the very least, we may not take the time to let the other person know that we appreciate their efforts. If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of people taking your efforts for granted, you know how irritating and frustrating it can be.
A little appreciation goes a long way. Say “thank you” or do something special in return. When each member of a couple appreciates the other, love tends to grow and there is a mutual understanding that both the person and the relationship are valuable.
2. Take time to communicate on an ongoing basis.
Communication is the key to making a relationship last. But remember that communication doesn’t just mean “talking.” Real communication involves a lot of listening. It involves an attempt to understand the other person’s point of view.
In any relationship, people don’t always agree, even if they love each other. She will need to understand her partner’s point of view, even if she doesn’t agree with him.
3. Continue dating.
This involves spending time together enjoying each other’s company like you did when you were first getting to know each other.
Sometimes people think this is contrived, but it is vitally important. When couples have been together for a while, they find themselves swept up in the demands of everyday life: kids, bills, and side activities (like watching TV).
A great way to bring the romance and interest back into a relationship is to spend time together doing something. different than the daily routine. Dress. Go somewhere special, a place you don’t usually go. Challenge yourself to find something unique and interesting to do. Make a regular appointment and don’t leave anything stand in his way.
4. Dream together.
When a couple expects something, it changes their perspective on each other and on their life together. This can be something as small as planning that date together or planning a vacation. It can be something as big as planning what you are going to do when you retire. The act of planning something in the future together allows you to recommit to each other and your future. When they share a common vision, it’s an opportunity to bond with each other.
5. When there is conflict (and there WILL be conflict), it is not about “winning.”
One of the biggest mistakes people make is trying to WIN arguments in a relationship. If you focus on winning, you don’t focus on making the relationship last.
Relationships involve communication, connection, and commitment, all done consistently. When you do that, you have a better than average chance of making your love for the “right person” last.
(c) 2008 Linda Pucci, Ph.D.
