As a counselor, coach, or other therapist, we are not exempt from needing help. We all face problems in life that we cannot easily solve and we need an external expert to support us. Although we work in the field of supporting people, it does not mean that we can easily solve all our problems.
Just like any doctor who needs to see a colleague on occasion, so do counselors. But when is the right time? This is the exact same question you’ll be asking yourself before calling and making an appointment with a counselor. Let me share my experience making the decision to make the call.
With the recent challenges I experienced with the passing of one of my twin girls two days after her birth, I was facing the most difficult times I have ever had to go through in my life. The grievance on the one hand and the joy of new motherhood on the other, including lack of sleep and learning to be a mother put me under great stress, emotionally, mentally and physically. Even though most of the time he was coping, there were times when he wasn’t. In the good times, I was like ‘okay, I can do this on my own’, but in the hard times it really wasn’t so good, understandable given the circumstances.
The time has come when difficult times were too frequent and unsustainable over time. My life was normally built on good times with a sprinkling of challenges and annoyances. However, the life he was living now was the complete opposite; it was as if hard times were the background of my life.
If you had to compare your ‘normal life’ with how you are now, how different is it? Can you really live with what is now? Is it just an exception or is it a trend? Answering these questions made me seek help.
I don’t expect the person I’m seeing to solve my problems or fix my problems. Some of the things I’m dealing with can never be resolved. That’s not the point of seeing someone. She helps me deal with the challenges I face, supports me in gaining a different perspective and thinking about potential difficulties ahead before I fall back down. And the most important benefit that I get from the sessions is that she normalizes my situation, my emotions and my reactions. She makes me feel normal, where I am an expert at being hard on myself. She doesn’t make my life easy, but she definitely helps calm down and soften my tough side or challenge my critical side.
All things considered, I’d say if you’re wondering if it’s time to ask for help, do it. If you had a victim mentality, you probably wouldn’t ask the question anyway…
