I was looking at other people’s posts on Facebook and reading some tweets and realized I had discovered what I consider to be one of the “cutest” dilemmas lesbian couples can have when they realize they’re going to be new parents. . Who among us will be called mommy?
Of course, the mom who held the baby respectfully should be called “mommy.” But that doesn’t minimize the importance of the other partner. What should they be called? Several things came to mind: mom, meema, mom, mother, another mom, and baby mom… but seriously, what do we do as parents when we have two moms?
I have struggled with letting my baby call me “Ella-Ella.” It is a term of endearment used by my nieces and my family. It was actually started by one of my little sisters when she couldn’t pronounce my real name and she came up with She-She and stuck with it all these years. I almost melt every time one of my nieces says my nickname or when a new baby discovers that she can finally pronounce She-She. Should I allow my son to call me that too or do I deserve a name more “father” than “mom”?
I mean, I’m going to be a mom. I may not have carried our baby to term, but I was at all the fertility appointments and of course helped pay the bills. I felt the pangs of excitement during each two-week wait and the pain of disappointment for each negative pregnancy test. I sat with my partner during each insemination and held her hand through the most awkward procedures just to help bring this special baby into the world. This is a baby we both love so much.
Who I am? Am I a mom too? Of course, it’s me. But what name do we use for me? Whatever names the two of you agree on as parents, they should be decided on together. And as time goes by, the endearments your baby calls you will become second nature. You will respond at the same time, when the word “mommy” comes out of the baby’s mouth for the first time. You know why? Because both of you will be very excited to hear your first words and each of you will want to claim “He/she is calling me, not you”, and you will laugh together.
For me, it’s a wonderful dilemma to be burdened with when having a baby. I don’t care what my baby calls me as long as she knows I’m her mommy too. And the love I will receive exceeds any name that can be given to me or my partner by a baby who just wants to be loved and hugged every day.
