You probably already know that husbands and wives usually initiate or file for divorce (or at least want to separate or end the relationship for a while) for completely different reasons. Of course, every situation is unique and this is not always true, but it often is.
I am writing this article from the point of view of a woman whose husband filed a divorce in the past. To save my marriage, I researched every book, course, and expert advice I could find to learn how I could preserve my relationship and get my husband home. I learned a lot about why marriages end and why spouses leave.
As a result, I am often approached by women and men who share their marital problems with me. As a woman and after talking to countless women who have left their relationship or want to get divorced, I usually see a common theme between them.
Why women leave men: If a woman wants to leave or get a divorce, it is very likely that the marital problem (or more likely the problemyes – plural) festered, worsened, and fed on themselves for a reasonably long time. Most women are very loyal by nature and will let problems build up and get very bad before they finally act. This is very unfortunate because by the time the wife is really fed up and walks out the door, there is usually enough damage and a lot of ground to make up.
Of course, there are issues and social pressures that magnify a woman’s frustration and encourage her to bottle up her feelings until it’s too late. Women are caregivers who generally have to take care of their spouse, children, bosses, businesses, parents, and a home. Add in money or work stress and you understand that we often run out of energy, but we don’t want to admit this and burden anyone, so we keep pushing our frustration until it boils over.
The truth is that caring for others is our nature and often we don’t care. (It even gives us great satisfaction knowing that we take care of those we love.) But, (this is a big but, so pay close attention) we want to be recognized, appreciated and loved for this. And when these issues raise problems or questions for us, we’d like you to hear from us. Wives generally don’t expect husbands to solve their problems, but they would still like a sounding board and a sympathetic ear.
Learn from this and give your wife what she wants: Women absolutely hate being taken for granted. We might push this feeling aside and try to get our own validation from our friends or ourselves in the short term, but ultimately we get really upset when people can count on everything we do without showing appreciation. (Husbands often assume that if they are good parents or providers, wives will know they are loved. Don’t make this mistake. Tell your wife (often) that you love and appreciate her, both verbally and through her actions.) .
On top of this, almost as much as anything else, women want to feel understood, valued, and heard. We want you to “get” us and understand what makes us tick, makes us happy, worries or scares us in the same way as our girlfriends.
Now, we realize this is unrealistic (since men and women are different), but we would like you to give it a try and listen and pay attention in the same way.
A wife who needs your attention and appreciation is not “high maintenance”: Sometimes men confuse a woman’s need for attention, understanding, reassurance, and appreciation with our need for “high maintenance.” This is a big mistake. We wouldn’t be so “needy” if you threw us a bone now and then. We wish men knew that if they would take just five minutes to listen to us each day, touch us lovingly and reassuringly from time to time (without expecting anything in return), and weave the word “thank you” firmly into their everyday vocabulary, we’d probably be very happy. happy both with you and with the marriage. This is such a simple formula, yet so few husbands really understand it.
Small gestures and reassuring words are easy, take little time, and are very important to women: Little things that show love and appreciation make a big difference and are the glue that holds a marriage together. Unfortunately, the truth is that if you don’t give these things to your wife, she will eventually give up and look for them elsewhere. She may become frustrated and leave the marriage, rely more on her friends than her spouse, or she may become vulnerable to some other man who has learned to be a friendly “good listener,” safe and reassuring. Everyone knows the guy who isn’t particularly attractive or rich, but every woman is attracted to him. Why? Because he has mastered the art of showing women respect, appreciation, and an understanding shoulder to lean on. Be this man for your wife. It is not difficult and you can do it.
Giving your wife what she needs before it’s too late: Take advantage of what I have told you and give your wife what she needs. Now, you don’t want to be overly obvious about this or dwell on it. You also need this behavior to be very genuine, and you need to make this a daily priority in your life. Trust me, your wife will notice. She may be a little suspicious at first, but if you wait for her and keep doing what you have to do, she will eventually know that you are sincere.
Get your wife back if she has already left or started the divorce: If your wife has already left, withdrawn from the relationship, or initiated a divorce, getting her to listen to you and getting her to come home will be more difficult, but certainly not impossible (and if done correctly, it will strengthen your relationship and your marriage. and you will both be happy and more fulfilled.)
It will only take small, calculated steps to restore trust, appreciation, and intimacy. She may not be receptive at first because you’ve waited too long, but this is where your genuine patience, love, and appreciation for her will come into play. If she takes the right steps (at the right time) to gradually restore a cordial relationship and begins to show him that she can provide what she needs, she can eventually reverse the damage and build something new.
